It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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