I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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