Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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