I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
