I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
