dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
