and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
