Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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