The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
