i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Randomize
