wakey wakey hands off snakey
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
