Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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