We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
