i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
my poor anus
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize