i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
