I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
