he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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