In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
