I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
