i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
