The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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