I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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