Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I bet he comes in French.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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