I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
