She is in my trunk
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
