I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
