Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
