he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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