Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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