Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
