The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
