Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
