Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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