if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
