well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
