I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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