I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
