I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Randomize
