I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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