Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
