I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
