you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
