He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
