Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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