i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I am naked and annoyed.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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