Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
