It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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