If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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