Cold hands, warm shart.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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