We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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