I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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