you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
