with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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