He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
either way he was missing a nipple.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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