i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
