she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
