Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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