I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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