omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
