Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
