My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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