You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So squirting runs in the family.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
