So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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