i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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