I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
