The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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